My meal and the winters...

It's been very very diffcult and agonisiing to search for food in the last two months. I have solely been dependent on a cup of tea, bread butter, maggie and lately on a nearby Tandoor for last two months following my mother's ailment.

Tea was the ulitmate source to keep my body warm after returning from office at 11.00 p.m or a little late at times during to 'important visits of dignitaries in foreign'. Driving in dense fog, the chill of the open route, and the sight of the Tandoor being closed at times was quite agonising. But I had no choice except to just rush up to have anything I found or could manage to access to at home and just retire into bed.

In the morning, I would again prepare tea but didn't get enough time to go and get breakfast. As, at the best I could get Chole Bhature or Kachori which I already have to take in lunch. And, it's double consumption could affect my stomach very badly. So I preffered remaining busy and forgetting I have to have something. Sometimes my busy ness helped, but most of the times it just reflected in my irritating mood. I would just rush to canteen everday for lunch time , the minute I reached office at 1.3o or 2.00, if work permitted.

Two or three friends were very very kind enough to understand my agony and limitations, as I don't know how to cook beyond maggie or tea. They brought sumptous food on days from home for me. I had tears in my eyes to see their sense of care and affection for me. I am indebted to their gesture.

At night I used to get late from office and whenver it was over 11.00 p.m. the Dhaba was closed. My meals have largely been Maggie or a cup of tea or at times bread and butter.

The neighbourhood Tandoor been a bliessing though as it prepares homely food which doesn't affect stomach.

I even arranged for my dinner from some local Dhaba for some days. But after seven days I stomach and through were badly affected due to it being a spicy food. I preferred cancelling it and restarted wtih teh Tandoor.

I used to rush to home to reach the Tandoor before 11.00. but at times it was closed by 10.30. As the other customers would visit it earlier dur to dense fog. It was actually very emotional feeling for me at times, whenver i slept with a cup of tea, which was at time not drinkable at times ...Kachi Pakki chai.

In the morning, I would again prepaer tea for myself but won't hve enough time most of the days to bring breakfast.

Chole kulche have been a blessing though. I had it like five days a week. On the other two days I would try to skip it for stomach's sake.
Canteen food was of immense help too. As it was the only source, which gave me actual complete food in entire day. Evenings have been for Chai.

Contd.....

It's true this had been a very scaring time for me becasue of my mother's health. Everyday passed in the fear that she should not get paralysed. Her brain stroke and occasion tilting of lips kept giving me goosebums. I always prayed insided my heart. Bhagwan bus ye sardiyan tapa de..... But it was also very difficult remaining occupied to justfiy salary, as it is the only source of earning, attending to phone calls with their own demands to talk, reading newspapers and surviving in the challenging phase of jobs despite always remembering my mother. The evening shifts were a blessing, as in morning I could spend time with her and fog and chill in air was nothing for that convenience. It simply felt convenience of different sort to me. But it was particularly in morning she always had difficulty, as it's been chilling all these days. My compulsion and biggest regret was I didn't know how to cook. And, she could not cook for her only Roti which she required for breakfast before having her first dose of medicine. Whenver there was trouble of lips, me or my elder brother would take her to our family physician, as she would generally have high BP in morning or develop sweating at 5 a.m.. I would come to learn of it only at 9.00 when i used to enter her room at first floor. I found it very very distressing and embarrassing to notice her in such a condition.

She would just say: Mainu zara doctor kol le javein ga? Maine paseena bada aanada hai sawere. Or..she would say at times...mainu doctor kol lai chal..blood pressure mahsoos ho raya hai. It pained me a lot for not being a Doctor or a proper cook to make anything available to her in that time also. I was solely dependent on Bhabhi's help, the indivudal i have never felt taking obligation from.

I know her moody temperament which could tranlate into obligation at any day of life. But as I was incapable in such a condition I allowed and didn't object she preparing Phulka for her in morning. I felt very nice that at least she is getting some help at home. In such a condition I was naturally oblivious to what was happening to me, as it never felt even a bit after watching her in such a condition. Mumma would never demand anything from me, as she was feeling guilty of not being able to cook for me.

Despite her suffering, which aggravated in morning, but reamined ok in day time during sunny days, she would enquire from my Thali at night what i had the previous night. It was actually very touching to see her love for me even in such a condition.

But I decided I would always have sth. to eat and sound as much as i can that I am completely happy with my night food even if it included Maggie or bread butter. But on days when I had just tea at night, I would pretend Office which kha ke aaya si....tumhe kuch nahin pata...ai te samjdhar hon di training ho gayi hai...hun main samajh raya han kivein Mere toon hostel wale mundey Khan-Khoon da arrangement kar lende ne. I tried my best to make her believe me that I was speaking truth and nothing but truth....but....I know she is afterall my mother.

Only once she uttered her pain saying: Tainu ki pata ...Mainu kivein lagda....jad main roti ne de sakdi tere layi....aur tu khali cup cha da pi ke Guzara chala lena hain....tu ki samajh na hain....mainu samajh nai aandi......bhudape which aa ke ....aini mushkil ho gayi hai....main badi sharminda haan. It shocked me. I was in tears in my bedroom.

Those words were an actual revealation of a mother's heart and belongingness with her child. I always thought I could befool her with my tactics. I forgot she was afterall my Maan.

By the way, she is improving a bit I believe. We still have to see a cardiologitst. But she can eat one chapati on some days, otherwise it doesn't go inside. milk, tea and don't know other, if any, liquid stuff is digestable for her in small quantities.